Wednesday, April 15, 2009


SUPER POWER GAINED FROM WATCHING THIS MOVIE: The Ability To Steal The Girlfriend Of A Winged Dude Who Clucks And Lays Grenades


Hawkgirl with jungle fever; a Green Lantern brother with a taste for bird; selfish martyr Bat; Big Blue Boy Scout Supes; Woman Woman and her usual ass-kicking hotness; wisecrack in a Flash; my second favorite Martian; an Mexican Thanagarian Cuckold; Kragger the Discount Stereo Hawkdude; the curious absence of a Winger soundrack, and the niftiest love triangle of super powers since Krushev’s crush on Jackie Kennedy’s bath slippers.

More details here.


The Justice League (Superman, Wonder Woman, Batman, Martian Manhunter, Flash, Green Lantern, and Hawkgirl) contend with a terrorist threat against Washington, D.C. and as the rest of the team patrol the area, Green Lantern and Hawkgirl share a little snuggle time as their burgeoning romance intensifies. But the dating bliss is interrupted when what was first thought to be a domestic threat turns out to be a Thanagarian warship arriving on Earth with dire news for its inhabitants. The Thanagarians are Hawkgirl’s people and their leader reveals to the U.N. that Hawkgirl was sent to Earth years ago to study its people, security, and culture to prepare it for involvement in a centuries-old Thanagarian cosmic war. But it’s all a ruse. The Thanagarians, led by Hawkgirl’s old buff Hawk-Squeeze, mean to use Earth as a strategic chain of planets to infiltrate their enemy’s heavily shielded space. And that means the Earth will be destroyed when their attack is ready. To make matters even worse, Hawk-Squeeze is still in love with Hawkgirl and poor ol’ Green Lantern is tossed to the side. When the League uncovers the Thanagarian plot, they attempt to thwart the Hawks’ plans but are easily defeated as the Thanagarians knew in advance each hero’s weakness based on information gleaned from Hawkgirl. The Thanagarians then establish permanent martial law across the planet as they build their huge super-weapon and imprison the League in energy cages. But a million tricky turkeys with Kryptonite cannons and right-wing ideals can’t match the can-do attitude of Earth’s super friends. The JL will have to figure out how to escape birdy prison, foil this insidious plot, and deal with the greatest betrayal they’ve ever faced since the unfortunate Aquaman/Shamu incident.


Justice League: Starcrossed is a direct to video movie based on the hit Cartoon Network series that rejuvenated the former Superfriends hero team from DC Comics. The film is part of a renaissance of sorts for DC animated portrayals outside the comics that started with the excellent Batman: The Animated Series in the early 90s. The Batman show was followed up by a Superman show, a popular Teen Titans cartoon, and then a first-rate Justice League series that has gone through several changes in line-up, title, and format. But what all the series share in common is exceptional writing and plotting with admirable voice performances worthy of the legacy of each classic character. Gone are the stiff and simplistic (but fondly remembered) stories and moralizing of the old Superfriends. The new Justice League series storylines were more epic in scope, more socially relevant, and more faithful to the spirit of the characters and the world they inhabit. The animation, pacing, and action are all top notch. to boot. The creative people behind recent DC animation are presenting stories that are usually eons beyond the live action crap that costs millions (Dark Knight excepted, of course). Justice League: Starcrossed is a rousing adventure, rich with characterizations, conflict, and yeah a little emotion, that offers plenty to keep kids’ attention as well as pleasing aspects for the parent and unjaded non-sarcastic comic book nerd alike.

Um, yeah. Good luck finding one of those.

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