Tuesday, April 21, 2009


SUPERPOWER GAINED FROM WATCHING MOVIE: The Ability To Set Your People Back 200 Years In Less Than 90 Minutes.


Master P-U, The Yakov Smirnoff of Africa, Bad Santa’s Bad Help, Sassy Grannies Gettin’ Some, Klinger in the da ‘hood, Busta Keaton, 420 24-7, film editing by Commodore 64, and the new trend in alternative sentencing: make a dumb video.

More details here.


Bernard (Master P) is a disillusioned homie getting laid but not getting paid in the New Orleans of 2069 which coincidently looks a lot like 1992 Inglewood. Out of a job and purpose in life, Bernard is hassled by his grumpy dope-smoking Dad, an annoying cross-dressing crackhead, and neighborhood bully Jaw Breaker (Ce Ce McCowen) while obsessing over booty-licious journalist Laura Lane (Claudia Jordan). As he sees his town crumbling from crime and bad joint-smoking manners, Bernard decides he needs to do something positive in life. So in lieu of volunteer work or college, he turns to urban vigilantism. The crackhead gives him a suit and some pot that when smoked correctly grants him invincibility, flying powers, and the ability to pronounce “er” correctly. So Black Supaman hips and hops around his hood stopping crime, entertaining the kids, getting his grandma laid, perpetuating stereotypes, checking out girls’ butts, and getting high. Mr. King, I present to you your Dream.


Rapper Master P has succeeded in ruining many of my interests over the years. First, he destroyed music by merely existing. Then, he took on the monumental task of making pro wrestling look stupid by forming the No Limit Soldiers, a stable of poor excuses for hip-hop wrestlers that crapped on the already poop-filled WCW in the late 90s. Now he devastates superhero movie with this shot-on-video, barely decipherable, and completely brain-meltingly stupid Black Supaman. Basically a series of ghetto shtick, pot gags, and “Aw daaaaaamn!” jokes, the “movie” is a seventy-minute mess. Constant rap background music makes it impossible to understand the actors in the few scenes where they are even equipped for sound. The editing was supervised by Ray Charles. The script was written in a Roscoe’s Chicken and Waffle napkin – and that’s the seventh draft. The misleading description of the film states that Black Supaman was set in New Orleans in the future, a setting ripe for a satirical farce. But then you realize that the man behind the camera is inexperienced, over-the-hill, and mediocre rapper Master P. There’s really nothing more that can be said about this insulting, brainless, and not even funny-bad waste of time. Oh, and the movie is not very good either.

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