Monday, December 29, 2008


Holiday Movie Category: Lookee Ma, Santy brought me a Camera, kuh-hyuk!


My Grandma's 1986 video camera, my Grandpa's video editing system, my retarded hamster's writing skills, the director's flat-chested neighborhood floozies, a script where the epitome of comedy is Uranus jokes, and a planet where apes evolved from shitty home movie makers.

More details here.


A couple of idiots from Uranus (get it? Yuk-yuk!) with ping-pong balls on springs hooked on their heads travel to Earth to retrieve a vital fuel source: mistletoe. They land on the campus of the University of Ottawa and vaporize a couple of dumbass Canucks. Their aggression sparks the attention of a team of dorky girls fresh out of high school drama class who are self-proclaimed martial arts experts and protectors of the planet. Their crime-fighting abilities consist of dancing like blind strippers and pushing and shoving. Eventually, they cross paths with the two dorks and a battle (?) ensues and then everyone dances to really crappy go-go music for TEN FRICKIN' MINUTES. Apparently the true meaning of Christmas is making me weep at the sight of incompetent filmmaking, cheap jokes, and K-mart clad plain Janes pretending to be sexy.


OK, so I'm desperate. I'm at a loss because I'm really scraping the bottom of the barrel trying to eke out 31 entries in this year's X-mas Wrath. With Spacemen & Go-Go Girls and the True Meaning of Christmas, I'm scraping about three feet under the barrel. This thing is apparently a student film project from Canada and a bad tribute to B-movies with little redeeming entertainment value. The girls are so-so, the jokes are beyond childish, and the special effects are, well, special. I can see where this might appeal to those of us who enjoy bad movies, but it's so self-conscious and campy that I cannot recommend it for a night of video mockery. On the plus side, it was only 30 minutes.

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