Wednesday, December 24, 2008


Holiday Movie Category: Then One Bloody X-mas Eve, Satan Came to Slay


A Krampus Grandpa, child psychology Catholic Church-style, a humping nun, a whipping nun, the ultimate case of holiday stress, a discount Ruth Buzzi, horrible original X-mas carols, and a head-cracking, Mommy-raping, throat-slashing, cock-blocking, disemboweling, axe-slinging, defenestrating, noggin-chopping Santa Claus who ... Good Lord I need a shower ...

More details here.


Billy (Robert Brian Wilson) had it rough as a kid, as in Kandahar orphanage rough. On fire. After witnessing the murder of his parents by a gun-toting Santa, Billy and his little baby brother get shipped to a orphanage run by a sadistic Mother Superior (Lilyan Chauvin) where his deep psychological damage and irrational fear of Santa is worsened by her maltreatment. She screams at him, humiliates him, and whips the shit out of him. Sympathetic Sister Margaret (Gilmer McCormick) tries to help the boy, and when he turns eighteen and is built like a brick shithouse, she gets him a job as a stockboy at a busy toy store. He does a good job and seems to be on the road to normalcy, but when X-mas rolls around, trouble begins to surface. He develops a romantic interest for plain ol' Pamela (Toni Nero), but she's got the hots for Billy's minuscule supervisor. During the office X-mas party, Pam and Billy's midget boss hump in the back of the store, much to Billy's dismay. So he reaches the breaking point (and a boner) and snaps. In full-on Santa toy store garb, he starts slashing prices and necklines with a variety of discounted implements. And this Psycho Santa is coming to town to boost the body count, get even with Mother Superior, and maybe take some naughty kiddies with him to ho-ho-Hell!


So far in this year's X-mas Wrath, we've seen elfsploitation, treesploitation, jewsploitation, and now Santasploitation, the most comprehensive of the X-mas horror subgenre. Silent Night, Deadly Night is the granddaddy of the Santa slasher flicks and is probably the best of the lot. Others include the similarly titled Silent Night, Bloody Night and Christmas Evil, both of which go down as easy as Lincoln-era fruitcake. This horror flick has decent gore, adequate performances, and an unclean, discomforting, exploitative feel that's sure to kill your holiday buzz, but in a good way. The movie generated quite a bit of publicity during its initial release as parents and decency groups decried the horrific depiction of St. Nick, children's figure into Satan Claws, no-good-nicks' coffin filler. And I guess they had a point. There's nothing enlightening or worthwhile thematically about the movie. It's just an excuse to release the inner Vorhees out of jolly old Santa and make a few bucks to show for the effort. And it's a pretty good effort, in a mindless horror fanatic kind of way. On its own terms set to fright, gross-out, and exploit, Silent Night, Deadly Night succeeds despite its twisted, ugly, and Scroogish desecration of an X-mas icon.


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