BONUS: BABY MAMA (2008)

CHICK FLICK PARENTING TIP: Home pregnancy testing should not involve peeing in the sink.

THE CARD:

A white trash Fairchild Van Waldenberg, a smoothy-chugging Bob Crane, Frito, the 40-year-old Blacky, baby-pimping Ridley, lispy Dorothy Harris, a vagina-poking PC, Steve Martin trying to apologize for Inspector Clouseau by being funny again and succeeding, the thankful absence of Jimmy Fallon, and the wonderful, breath-taking, incomparable, pant-filling, and awkwardly sexy Liz Lemon.

More details here.

THE ANGLE:

Corporate vice president Kate (Tina Fey) excels at her job as a top executive for a frou-frou healthy supermarket chain run by goofily aloof Barry (Steve Martin). But despite the big paychecks and store grand openings, the urge to become a mother still boils deep down inside her. Being a fiercely independent modern woman, Kate wants to raise a kid alone and pursues artificial insemination, but her deformed uterus prevents any man’s seed from finding purchase. So she pursues surrogate parenting at a clinic run by plenty fertile Chaffee Bicknell (Sigourney Weaver) who pairs her with loud, low-class Angie (Amy Poehler) and her loutish loser boyfriend (Dax Shepard). Kate overwhelms Angie with attention, pop culture parenting tips, and baby books which Angie initially dismisses. But she finally gets pregnant, she breaks up with her boyfriend and shows up at Kate’s doorstep with nowhere else to go. Hilarity ensues at the two nutty gals try to live with each other without turning each other crazy. But Angie is keeping a secret from Kate, not that she’s a white trash trollop mind you, but that she the fertilized egg inside her belly may not be Kate’s. As Angie continues the charade, Kate meets juice store owner Rob (Greg Kinnear) and the pair start romancing. And despite all the lies abound, all the wacky hilarious situations concocted, and all the immense talent involved, the movie fails to give birth to a giggle from yours truly.

THE FINISHER:

Sung to the tune of Barry Manilow’s Mandy

TINA

By El Tremendo, guitar accompaniment by Film Geek Schu

I’ve been watching all my life
Boring TV dull as rice
Switching through the channels
Weeping on my flannel
Shirt into the night

Saturday was just another night
Comedy was nowhere in sight
Looking into your nerdy speckled eyes
I see a memory I never realized
SNL was funny because of you, oh Tina

Well you came and you made me chuckle
And you’re really so swell, oh Tina
You joked and you quipped and you funny
I wish I met you in the Eighties, oh Tina

I'm just a film geek who blogs movies
I know I’ll never meet anyone as groovy
All I have for you is this melody
That proves I can't write parodies, oh Tina

Well you came and you made 30 Rock
But your movie wasn’t as good, oh Tina
I’m sorry that I must knock
Your movie today, oh Tina

Tomorrow’s another day, a never-ending cycle
And you are still funny and still cute
Just stay away from Lorne Michaels
Oh Tina!

Well you came and you made me chuckle
And you’re really so swell, oh Tina
You joked and you quipped and you funny
I wish I met you in the Eighties, oh TINA!


Apologies to Barry, Lorne, Tina, Mr. Tina, and just about everyone on the planet.