Tuesday, February 3, 2009

27 DRESSES (2008)

CHICK FLICK DATING TIP: Under any circumstance, do not date an X-man.


A scruffy Cyclops, a slutty Silk Spectre, McSlutty the Best Friend, McDarky the Funny Friend, Jan from the Office, Ed Burns the quick paycheck collector, 27 face palms, 27 heads buried in pillows, 27 sighs of frustration, and Dizzy Izzy likes to wear Drizzies at Wizzies

More details here.


Jane (Katherine Heigl) likes to organize, attend, and participate in weddings. I mean, she really likes to organize, attend, and participate in weddings. But it doesn’t look like she’ll be starring in her own wedding anytime soon as she’s been crushing on her goody-two-shoes boss George (Ed Burns) and babysitting her irritating, wisecracking, patently unhelpful slut/best friend Casey (Judy Greer) for years. In the past few months, she’s been involved in twenty-seven weddings, each pant-wettingly more outrageous than the other, and her obsession doesn’t look to be slowing down. When Casey pushes her to make the move on George, in steps Jane’s flighty, superhot model sister Tess (Malin Akerman) who sweeps George off his feet, albeit with a web of lies to make herself look compatible. Meanwhile, jerky-ass news reporter Kevin (James Marsden) works for the influential and legendary “New York Journal” paper and covers weddings for the style section. Despite the popularity of his column, Kevin hates weddings and thinks the entire industry is a sham. Plus, he is a smug prick. When he meets Jane at a wedding, he sees her always-a-bridesmaid story as a way out of the style section and into the world of serious, life-destroying journalism. So he does what any respectable reporter would do and invades her privacy, deceives her at every turn, and insults her life choices constanty. But because his skinny, scruffy-haired ass is so damn sexy, Jane falls in love with him and forgets George and her duplicitous sis, that is until she discovers Kevin’s lies. Heartbroken, Jane resignedly organizes Tess and George’s wedding but is pushed to the brink and sabotages the relationship. So all this emotion, turmoil, and hemming should lead to Jane’s complete mental breakdown, but instead Jane discovers that love with a self-involved, careerist, one-eyed jackass is more important than taffeta gowns, buttercream icing, and 27 blenders.


The Everest challenger must climb five miles. The Olympian runner must clear ten hurdles. Hercules must endure the Twelve Labors of legend. El Tremendo faced down 27 Dresses. Now here is a chick flick that embodies the worst of that term in every aspect. It’s a formulaic, bland, and kinda offensive romantic comedy that no respectable moviegoer should think is cute, funny, or inspiring. If you are a non-respectable moviegoer that disagrees, then please do me a favor and watch this movie again and try not to hate yourself. Heigl displayed comedic promise in 2007’s Knocked Up, but in this misguided choice, all she can do is look mad, walk away in a huff in every scene, and wear strapless dresses. But in all honesty I can watch her frown and pout all day. Heigl is obviously not stupid. She has great comedic timing and a flair for physical comedy. She’s quite the cutie pie, and she can evolve and become a bigger star if she avoids unoriginal and unfunny material like this. So here’s where the movie ticked me off. Its main premise is one that is virulently pervasive in chick flicks of late, that every girl wants the big wedding full of pageantry and fabled romance at any cost, even if it means transforming them into greedy, warped harpies (which really shouldn't happen until year 3 of marriage) and thus supporting the worn-out notion that women are materialistic, out-of-touch, and emotionally deprived of some fairy tale fantasy promised since girlhood. The other concept in the movie that annoyed me was the way the Marsden character evolved as the romantic focus. Predictable, but still annoying. Here’s a guy who won the girl through false pretenses, demeaning manipulation, and generally being a dick. But he squeezes out a few tears and boo hoos about how he was left at the altar himself and then all is forgiven in a drippy, unbelievable ending that stretches the already thin conceits of the genre. Unfortunately, none of these 27 Dresses fit, so I’m taking them back for refund.

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