Tuesday, February 24, 2009


CHICK FLICK ETTIQUETTE TIP: Ladies, when visiting a Catholic Church for the first time, try not to dry hump Jesus.


A fried-food loving seraph, a K.I.T.T.-less Michael Knight, a bewildered Princess Caraboo with not a Gizmo in sight, Charlie Lane the pothead priest, an ass-hungry Doberman, 80s Dickheads, a tumor-inducing synthesizer soundtrack, and more stupid angelic theorizing than a Dan Brown fan convention.

More details here.


Irritating Asshole (Michael E. Knight) is a wannabe music composer who’s engaged to rich brat Patty (Phoebe Cates), but being a fun-loving Irritating Asshole, he doesn’t take the expectations of upper-crust society seriously. In fact, Irritating Asshole would rather be back at his dumpy apartment writing shitty tunes on his Casio and making out with a love doll. His engagement party is broken up by armed masked men who kidnap him at gunpoint and frighten the wits out of the attendees. But it turns out that this horrifying act of terror was all in good fun as the kidnappers turn out to be Irritating Asshole’s Irritating Asshole Friends who have dragged him off to his bachelor party, much to the chagrin of Patty’s make-up mogul father Ed (David Dukes). After a drunken night of Irritating Asshole shenanigans, Irritating Asshole wakes to an injured angel (Emmanuelle Beart) floating in his pool. You see, the angel hit a satellite on her way to Earth and the unfortunate intelligent design of physics gravitated towards her to the doorstep of the planet’s most Irritating Asshole. Lucky for Irritating Asshole, the angel is a complete babe, really digs French fries, and possesses the power to hypnotize dogs and cats. Unfortunately, the angel doesn’t speak, squeals like a hurt puppy/dolphin hybrid, and is viewed as a prime target by Irritating Asshole’s Irritating Asshole Friends who want to exploit her for merchandising. Meanwhile, Patty’s evil Dad wants to use the angel in an ad campaign to save his failing company and pissed-off Patty thinks the angel is Irritating Asshole’s mistress and wants to clip her wings permanently. And wacky hilarity ensues with Irritating Asshole protecting the angel from the bad guys, trying to heal her injured wing, and helping her complete her mission to Earth which may mean an Irritating Asshole end to the Irritating Asshole, much like a Preparation H medicated pad.


Director Tom McLoughlin once had what could be viewed as a promising career in horror films. His first film was the underrated non-Batman mausoleum-based zombie movie One Dark Night and its follow-up Jason Lives, arguably one of the best of the later Friday the 13th sequels. But his career took a decidedly tragic turn with the release of the achingly unfunny Date With An Angel, an offensively boring and painfully incompetent attempt to cash in on other fish-out-of-water romantic fantasies Splash and Mannequin. Not exactly a chick flick but more of a stupid teen comedy, the movie is mired in dim-witted jokes, no real story to speak of, and some of the blandest dorkiest shittiest performances ever recorded on film. Knight is a dunderhead misfire who tries to capture the clumsy charm of Tom Hanks but can’t escape his vanilla roots in soap opera acting. The usually adorable Cates hams it up and is essentially wasted here, doing wacky cartoonish shtick that doesn’t fit her. If I hadn’t forgotten 90% of this crappy movie, I may have went on a limb and stated this might be the worst movie I’ve seen since I started the blog, and brother that’s a whole of competition you’re staring at! The only highlight is the gorgeous Beart as the angel who is lovely to look at, but even her scarily Paris Hilton-ish looks can’t raise this movie above cherubic excrement. And thirty minutes into this thing, the only date with an angel you’ll be praying for is the sweet release of death.

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