Thursday, February 5, 2009

GIRLS JUST WANT TO HAVE FUN (1985)

CHICK FLICK DATING TIP: Guys, girls just want to have fun, vandalize, and burn dogs.

THE CARD:

Mini-Carrie carrying on, a 25-year-old teen Helen Hunt, Pre-Bernie Silverman, Not-Quite-Joey-Lawrence, OH-MY-GOD-IT’S -RICHARD-BLADE-LOOKING-TWELVE, Chicago by way of Reseda, pre-zip code Shannon Dougherty, Blechs in the City, and where’s Denny Terrio when you need him?

More details here.

THE ANGLE:

Janey (Sarah Jessica Parker) is a fun-loving teen with a tough militant Dad (Ed Lauter) who has recently moved the family to Chicago, land of deep dish pizza, wind, hope spewing presidents, and DTV, the hottest dance show on television. Basically, it’s Soul Train for Whitey. On her first day at a new Catholic school, Janey befriends free-spirited Lynne (Helen Hunt), a rebellious boy-crazy girl who messes with the nuns, wears leather skirts, looks 30, and shares a love for DTV as well. Their beloved show announces a contest for new cast members and Janey and Lynne wild with glee and jump at the chance to be on the program. Meanwhile, crafty teen Jew Drew (Jonathan Silverman) talks his buff toe-tapping pal Jeff (Lee Montgomery) into entering the contest, much to the ridicule of flat-chested little sister Maggie (Shannon Dougherty). But trouble brews. Janey’s strict father doesn’t approve of her dancing and milling about with strange boys on fruity TV shows. Plus the girls have to contend with evil rich brunette Natalie (Holly Gagnier) who plans to pay off the judges and cheat her way onto the show. But the pursuit of fun will prevail as our kooky gals thwart evil bitch Natalie, employ commando tactics to escape their grounding, and abuse animals. I mean, they abuse animals in inhuman, horrific, and unconscionable ways. So sad. Anyway, Janey and Jeff, who comes close to out-Kevin Baconing himself in a few routines, are paired up but their personalities clash, and Natalie’s vile, underhanded, and sexy schemes threaten their chance to be on the show. But the power of dance, love, and regional syndication will overcome any obstacle, at the cost of Cyndi Lauper one day rolling in her grave over this one.

THE FINISHER:

Leg warmers. Jellies. Tear-away Velcro sleeves. Break dancing. Gigantic hair. Cheek glitter.

These are just a few of the reasons why the 80s will never be forgotten. Kinda like genital warts. Girls Just Want to Have Fun will not share the same fate as these icons of an era long gone. It’s a forgettable movie that appears to be a slapped-together comedy meant to capitalize on the titular Lauper song. I just finished watching it a few minutes ago and I swear I can’t remember anything past the awful Solid Gold parody and Hunt’s fairly decent gams. OK, let me lean back. I’m concentrating. It’s all coming back now. Except in the parts where there’s obviously a double, Parker displays some nice dancing moves and the movie is dominated by endless scenes of people dancing. Hunt is perky and bright as Lynne, but I couldn’t shake the fact that I was watching Helen Hunt playing a teen rather than teen Helen Hunt. I mean, the woman was born 30. The flick is pretty much formulaic stuff, with repressed Janey letting loose when she is enabled by slutty Lynne, meets studly Jeff, and revolts against her uptight parents. Evil chick Natalie isn’t given much to do but be evil and one-dimensional, not that I was expecting Mrs. Danvers, but come on. And slutty Lynne gets to act wacky and attempt to kill dogs. Did I mention they harm animals in this thing? Jeez. In addition to animal abuse, there’s the aural abuse of the cheesey synthesizer soundtrack and a hilariously lame cover of the title song. On the plus side, we get to see a pre-90210 Dougherty before the wickedness of Aaron Spelling consumed her soul. She looked so adorable in this movie with her little overalls, cherubic cheeks, and non-demonic persona. Which reminds me: acid washed jeans. When will we see those come back? Probably the next time I watch a film based on a 80s pop song.

1 comment:

SherryBaby_was_Neat said...

I'm a girl and I had fun watching this. What in the world have girls done for you to dislike this movie? Oh Tremendo dear you're not the fortunate one. That's all I really want, is for you to like this movie. Oh Tremendo dear you know you're still number one, but this movie was good. I want to be the one to walk in the sun, and for Tremendo to love this movie. Fun.