Saturday, October 11, 2008

TRICK 'R TREAT (200?)

On the eleventh day of Halloween, my boo love gave to me ... eleven tainted Snickers with razor blades!

THE CARD:

The fat kid from Bad Santa, the pedophile from Happiness, the reluctant mutant from X-men, Helo from Battlestar Galactica, tons of pumpkins and candy corn, and the latest, creepiest little horror icon this side of Chucky and/or Leprechaun.

More details here.

THE ANGLE:

A cold, sinister wind rustles through trees. Doors creak close and windows are shuttered by unseen hands. Creatures howl in the night to a rising blood red moon. Disembodied cackles rip through the dark sky. Pumpkins are lit to ward off the spirits of the wandering dead. And kids hit the streets in the latest spooky wear to score some serous candy. It’s Halloween. Perhaps the greatest holiday ever where someone’s gotta give up the goodies, or else. Five stories intertwine one haunted Halloween night in the town of Warren Oaks. A little creature in a scarecrow outfit and footed pajamas wanders the neighborhood and stalks a young couple settling for the night. A child killer tries to hide his latest unspeakable crime from his neighbor and kid, and he’s having a tougher than usual time. A young girl dressed as Little Red Riding Hood seeks out the man of her dreams but instead finds a wolf in sheep’s clothing. But little Red isn’t want she seems. Five young trick-or-treaters test a tragic town legend by summoning the spirits of drowned children. But is all a joke, or is there something far more sinister waiting for them in a school bus from Hell? And finally, an old shut-in confronts an overzealous trick-or-treater who comes knocking at his door and won’t take no for an answer.

THE FINISHER:

Director Michael Dougherty loves Halloween. I mean he REALLY loves Halloween. And his love casts an even darker shadow on the already spooky gloom of the holiday in this excellent horror anthology. In the tradition of Creepshow, Tales from the Crypt, and Trilogy of Terror comes this surprise sleeper that is destined to become Halloween’s It’s a Wonderful Life. Screened in Hollywood on opening night of L.A.’s Screamfest horror festival, the movie finally made it to the screen after an incomprehensibly long delay. Using familiar stories and references from other classic horror films, Dougherty sets out to redefine the traditions of Halloween while presenting genuinely spooky tales with twists on the mythology and superstitions of the holiday in the boisterous spirit of 80s and 90s horror comedy. You’ll find no mindless teen thrill-killing, no squirming-in-your-seat torture, or Japanese remakes here.

Trick ‘r Treat is the Short Cuts of the horror genre and although the storylines were intended to intertwine more intricately, some end too soon, others not soon enough. And despite a little predictability, each story manages to be engaging and reveal something new. Another slight nitpick is the overuse of music at certain points where silence probably would have been more effective. But the sprawling, clever score is another standout of the film. Trick ‘r Treat is not meant to shock or terrify, in fact it possess the quality of a dark fairy tale without the heavy-handed moralizing. The actors in the film rose to the occasion in the Halloween spirit it displays unabashedly which is also accented by exquisite cinematography. Dougherty is a skillful storyteller and avoids an all-out gorefest in exchange for legitimate chills and a few laughs. His little trick-or-treater “Sam” is unforgettable and will linger with you for many Halloweens to come. The sad story of Trick ‘r Treat’s delayed release is probably best told elsewhere, however, the fact that this solid, well-crafted horror anthology has not made it to theaters is the ultimate trick on horror fans everywhere.

(PS: I’d like to point out that Trick ‘r Treat star Moneca Delain is an absolute FOX in person. Yow!)

Friday, October 10, 2008

BONE SICKNESS (2004)

On the tenth day of Halloween, my boo love gave to me ... ten drippy tubby zombies!

THE CARD:

One man’s video camera, plus a pleasing amount of nudity, a generous helping of bloody mayhem, a copious amount of gooey do-it-yourself gore, and a complete lack of plot, story, or coherence.

More details here.

THE ANGLE:


Dude, I picked up this DVD with this sick cover over at Video Hut that looks like this dude shot in his backyard and so it starts when this real ugly dude is like sick and stuff - something to do with his bones, I think - and his totally hot wife wants to help him, you know, but like he gets totally worse and then starts puking nasty shit like his whole body, his whole fucking skeleton, but like this other dude, some buddy of the sick dude who’s a mortician or whatever gets this green junk that’s supposed to, like, fix the bone disease of the puking dude but instead he turns into a zombie or something, and there’s more puking, then all these other zombies start coming out of the ground and start killing people in this old house where this SWAT team gets totally fucked by the zombies and then ..oh yeah…there’s some boobies, actually some really nice ones, dude, Beaver Hunt quality my friend…and so …what was I talking about…oh yeah…there’s like this lame-oh scene where another bone sick dude takes a bath and I’m like, dude I don’t wanna see your wang, you sick zombie fuck…so then there like all this gore and guts and shit and guys or demons in Halloween costumes like totally ruling over the alive people who are not zombies and then well… some other stuff happens, and then well I forget…man, it’s due tomorrow.

Boobs.


THE FINISHER:


As mentioned in the Night of the Dead review, more and more aspiring moviemakers are grabbing their DV cameras and glutting the zombie movie market with low budget gushers like Bone Sickness. Although this movie has the feel of a labor of love, its patchwork structure jumps around from one-room gross out, to zombie apocalypse, to a supernatural demonic war of epic proportions and may induce migraines for those with high expectations. The acting is just plain hideous and amateurish and the movie can’t exceed its home video feel. Lovers of mindless gore might find a treat in the film, but it’s futile to make any sense of the undead goings-on. The makers of Bone Sickness are obvious fans of horror and their enthusiasm is at times infectious. If you can easily forgive such fare for lacking the basics of cinematic storytelling in exchange for high-octane homemade gore, then Bone Sickness is your best bet for bad movie night.

Dude.

Thursday, October 9, 2008

TOOLBOX MURDERS (1978)

On the ninth day of Halloween, my boo love gave to me ... nine gift certificates to the Horror Home Depot!


THE CARD:

B-movie king Cameron Mitchell, ubiquitous 70s TV sitcom child star whose name escapes me, a well-meaning but dumb-as-rocks brother, inept LAPD cops, 70s plaid prints and crazy haircuts, and a Mr. Fix-It with a truckload of female issues.

More details here.


THE ANGLE:

A deranged handyman stalks the streets of Los Angeles and every corner he turns, he experiences unintelligible flashbacks to a young woman dying in a car accident. Also, everything looks all 70s and stuff, especially the apartment complex where he massacres young women in a fit of incomprehensible rage while ironic music plays in the background. The masked killer employs a plethora of items from the titular toolbox to do his dirty work including a drill, a screwdriver, and a nail gun. The pretty women all die horrible deaths as the grunting killer gets off Scot free. I felt especially bad for the hot redhead in the bathtub who was also trying to get off:

Ginger Grant?

The other residents are shocked at the murders despite keeping their doors unlocked, and the hapless police are baffled. We discover who’s the killer very shortly thereafter, and are introduced to a single mother and her two children who live in the complex. Laurie is the virginal teen and the heart of the family that includes over-worked mother Jo Ann and goofy brother Joey. Joey is somewhat irresponsible and dim while Jo Ann battles ennui, exhaustion, and sweet booze. One night Laurie is kidnapped by the toolbox killer and Joey takes the law into his own hands to find her when he’s failed by a useless detective with the hots for Mom. He befriends Kent, the nephew of the building’s owner and they form a Scooby-Doo duo of dumbasses to find the killer and get Laurie back. Meanwhile the killer has Laurie tied up to a bed in a little girl’s bedroom. He feeds her peanut butter and jelly sandwiches and coos to her in uber-creepy baby talk. He then goes off on this 15-20 minute exposition monologue filled with his anguish, suffering, and histrionics that’ll make your skin crawl. We discover that the killer is racked with guilt and grief over the loss of his own daughter in a car accident, which explains the opening scene’s flashbacks. So the cheap alternative to therapy is a bloody misogynist rampage? Damn you, HMO’s! The slashing and stalking pretty much end thirty minutes into the film. Joey’s attempts to rescue his sister while the killer mentally tortures her while wallowing in his psychosis take up the second and third acts that conclude with an ultimately unsatisfying and tool-less climax.


THE FINISHER:

I haven’t seen the Toby Hooper 2003 remake of Toolbox Murders, but this seminal exploitation film is brutal, ugly, and poorly constructed, falling short of its “classic” status. Even after the murdering is over in the first act and the story shifts to a more psychological tone, the film can’t escape its snuff film quality aesthetics, and most of the principals fall flat with emotionless disinterest, with the exception of actress playing Laurie and the immortal Mitchell who gifts us with yet another cringe-worthy performance. Whether or not the detached manners are intentional is probably irrelevant as there’s no consistency at an attempt to comment on obvious subject matter such as family, mourning, and death. But this is a Grindhouse classic, so what did I expect - Bergman? The killer lashes out at what he perceives is evil in the world, but the link between hot ladies in various stages of undress and his kid going through a windshield is never made clear. If anything is to be taken away from this film, it’s an overwhelming sense of loss, whether it is a loved one, innocence, or life itself. (Hey help me here, I’m trying!). Despite the attempt to construct a sympathetic slasher/killer and a mild twist ending, not even a long hot shower or rigorous sand-belting can wash away the repulsiveness and feel-bad qualities of this video nasty.

Wednesday, October 8, 2008

WIND CHILL (2007)

On the eighth day of Halloween, my boo love gave to me ... eight frozen stalker ghosts!


THE CARD:

A lovelorn creep, a troubled college girl, a malfunctioning car heater, a lack of Google maps, Icy Pop spirits, corrupt lawmen, and Alvin and the Chipmunks.

More details here.

THE ANGLE:

Two college students share a ride home for Christmas vacation. One, an attractive girl, answers a classmate’s ad on the school ride board. She doesn’t know her traveling partner, a creepy unkempt awkward guy. Facing a severe winter storm, the two travelers take a detour down a snowy rural road and face a lesson that so many horror films have taught us through the years: the countryside will fuck you up. Their vehicle is forced off the road by a mysterious car that coerces them into a dangerous game of chicken. Losing to the ghostly car, they become trapped in an embankment and have to face the long night with little heat, lots of snow, Mel Torme humming carols over the AM radio, and the vengeful spirits of the dead scratching away at the car windows. Because, you see it’s a haunted road. The pair argues about what to do as they face frostbite, starvation, and strangling by phantom hands. Over the long night that ensues, the true nature of their burgeoning relationship begins to unfold as they face harsh elements, an unseen malevolent force, and the tragic legacy of the terrible blood-chilling events that have happened on the country road over the past fifty years.


THE FINISHER:

Initially, Wind Chill starts out with a simple premise: two strangers share a ride and along the way in revealing themselves to each other, they learn more about themselves. The two leads, Emily Blunt (Devil Wears Prada) and Aston Holmes (History of Violence) play out this starting point admirably as two desolately different people come together in a stressful time (ghosts + holidays = stress!). Director Gregory Jacobs (Criminal) focuses on the incendiary relationship between the two during the first hour, revealing the true nature of their relationship, and the end result is satisfying up to the point where they become stranded. Once the car gets pulled over by Casper the Ghostly Sedan Driving Ghost, the film transforms into the cracking little flick so promised by the eerie DVD cover. The tone grows sinister quickly and the pair’s relationship issues take a literal backseat to the spookiness slowing surrounding them. The notable extent to which the two leads have developed makes Wind Chill's success as both an effective drama and a creepy thriller. The only problem with the film is that once it hits its horror stride, it quickly peters out, leaving the mystery of the cursed road to unravel and turn out to be a little predictable as well. Nevertheless, Wind Chill is still an effective ghost story and much better than its non-frozen brethren.

Tuesday, October 7, 2008

LEFT IN DARKNESS (2007)

On the seventh day of Halloween, my boo love gave to me ... seven direct-to-video visions of the Afterlife!


THE CARD:

A Freddy and Jason survivor, the resurrection of Dollman, a smug Agent of Death, cleavage.

More details here.

THE ANGLE:

Sweet young chickie Celia has been wrought with guilt her whole life over her mother’s death in childbirth. Raised by her grandparents, she was abandoned by her father and as she got older, her tragic sense of guilt grew. The film opens with depresso Celia’s 21st birthday, and despite a life of crappy luck, it’s time to party. Unfortunately, Celia’s terrible fortune continues when she goes to a frat bash and subsequently gets drugged, raped and murdered. What a loser.

Sexy but horribly cursed Celia finds herself trapped in the frat house and in a dimension between Heaven and Hell where she must face shadowy entities and zombie-like creatures called Soul Eaters that hunt for prey in the Afterlife. The spirit of her dead grandfather (Tim Thomerson) appears to show her the path to peaceful rest, but this familiar specter may not be what he seems. She soon learns that the Soul Eaters can manifest themselves in any shape they choose. A handsome stranger appears, claiming to be her guardian angel and promising to lead her safely to the other side. Both figures promise a way out only to be interrupted by the attacks of the Soul Eaters invading outside. But whom can she trust? Caught in an infernal limbo shrouded by deceit and illusion, Celia has to find a way out before she’s “insert movie title here”.

THE FINISHER:

Sometimes, even direct-to-DVD releases can surprise you. It’s even nicer when a direct-to-Netflix-streaming-service release surprises you. Left in Darkness is a movie that, despite its lame on paper premise, actually entertains without numbing your brain with dumbness.

Monica Keena as Celia is charming and sweet, despite her shitty backstory. Keena carries the movie with her performance, and I’m surprised that she hasn’t really broken out despite a long resume of movie and TV credits. Not only is she attractive and racked to the gills, she actually cares about the material and rounds out what could have been a ninety-minute final girl screamer into an engaging outing. Without her energy and dedication to the character, I would have clocked out twenty minutes into the picture.

There are also some nice low-budge visuals in the movie. The CGI is effective but sparse, and the effects establish an atmospheric tone one might expect if caught between two incomprehensible worlds. The psyche-starved Soul Eaters are simplicity in design and enhance the feeling of impending doom that pervades the movie. Along with some good scary moments, there’s interesting chemistry between Celia and her guardian angel, David Anders (ALIAS, Heroes), despite a rather breezy script. But don’t let that dissuade you; Left in Darkness is a solid horrific treat that’s at least worth a rental, or at least ninety minutes of streaming. Compared with most of the crap going direct to video, Left in Darkness is a frigging masterpiece. And it’s still good to know that someone is still making low-budget efforts worth watching.

Monday, October 6, 2008

DOLLS (1987)

On the sixth day of Halloween, my boo love gave to me ... six pairs of glowing doll eyes ogling me through the night.


THE CARD:

Bumbling Dad, Step-Witch Mom, Precious Little Girl, Man/Child Hero, and lots of Creepy Hence-The-Titles.

THE ANGLE:

Married couple David and Rosemary and seven-year old daughter Judy are traveling down a spooky country road when their car gets stuck in mud. When they can’t get the car out, they seek help and wander the forest where stumble across a sinister mansion. Rosemary the stepmother displays her animosity towards the kid from the onset and the neglectful parents leave Judy in the dust. But Judy has her best friend, a stuffed bear named Teddy. Judy uses Teddy to fantasize about getting even with her total bitch of a stepmother Rosemary in an amusingly bloody sequence. You won’t find this Teddy on the Home Shopping Network. Someone finally greets them at the mansion door and it’s a kindly old couple, Gabriel and Hilary. Gabriel is a doll maker and Judy is ecstatic to find out that someone else shares an interest with her. The jerk parents don’t seem to give a shit. The old toymaker gives Judy a new toy, a jester by the name of Mr. Punch, and shows her around the house where every room is filled with dolls, puppets, and figurines. As a storm rolls in outside, more stranded people arrive at the toymaker’s door: a couple of heavy metal groupies and a tubby guy named Ralph. Judy instantly bonds with the childlike Ralph as they both share a fascination with Gabriel’s toys. The weirdness begins when one of the chicks steals antiques and attempts to make a break for it. She is stopped permanently when Gabriel’s dolls come out to play. Judy witnesses her bloody corpse being dragged by unseen forces, but no one in the house believes her, except for Ralph. They pair go looking for the chick and they find the girl’s body missing, but also come across a very familiar doll: the heavy metal chick is encased in the body of a doll. From here on it out, it’s up to Ralph and Judy to find a way to survive the night against the murderous dolls that seek to protect their home and their maker from outsiders.

THE FINISHER:

Evil dolls, sentient automobiles, malevolent clowns, demonic infants, Ronald Reagan. There are just some things that are instant cinematic horror gold. Director Stuart Gordon (Re-Animator and From Beyond) mines such gold in Dolls, a terrific little horror film, accented with a sense of fun, style, and self-effacing wit. Gordon presents sharp direction, casting, and dialogue to a premise that could easily have been a disaster. The dolls are simple and nicely designed little nasties and provide plenty of nightmare fuel to exacerbate your living doll phobia including clowns, jesters, babies, and soldiers, all with teeth, slinging knifes, and spine-chilling dead eyes that pierce your soul. Although the film maintains a slasher movie tension at times, it possesses the feel of a fairy tale that while being completely absurd has an underlying moral lesson to tell, perhaps something about the retaining the innocence of childhood. There’s good interaction between Judy and Ralph and there’s subtle humor to counterbalance the horror of the dolls stalking the hallways with butcher knives at the ready.

The evil doll sub-genre often gets little respect, Chucky not withstanding. But Dolls surpasses Chucky, Puppet Masters, and similar fare by its tone, fun-loving weirdness, wonderful characters, and stylish approach.

Sunday, October 5, 2008

UNDEAD OR ALIVE (2006)

On the fifth day of Halloween, my boo love gave to me ... five grizzled prospector zombies.


THE CARD:

Gunslingers, school marms, outlaws, saloon prostitutes, zombie gunslingers, zombie school marms, zombie outlaws, and zombie saloon prostitutes. Oh and Chris Kattan.

THE ANGLE:

The movie opens up with a pretty funny prologue where we see the dying words of the legendary Apache Geronimo who curses paleface invaders, thereby presenting the plot device to explain the Old West zombie outbreak. After being jailed, a couple of outlaws, one a smooth-talking gunslinger, the other a comedy relief goofball, team-up to escape. They later hook up with Geronimo’s niece who apparently has a time-machine of some sort as she uses contemporary slang and acts like an Aaron Spelling primetime zombie herself. But she’s hot so I can immediately forgive her. The rest of the movie consists of the three being chased by the sheriff and his zombie posse and eventually cornered into an abandoned fort.

THE FINISHER:

Undead or Alive rides the crest of forthcoming horror westerns such as The Burrowers, Cowboys and Aliens, and From Hell to Texas. But this movie is unquestionably a comedy and has the look and feel of a combination between a USA Network late night cheapo and an old B-movie Western. The excessive gore and bloodletting is more gross-out and humorous than scary. And given the relative cheapness of the whole movie, the zombie effects are impressive, but the story never delves into the zombies as being more than being a source for jokes. The movie is amusing enough, but never fully emerges as satire or even parody. It’s more like a string of one-liners in a sketch extended to ninety minutes. There are some genuine laughs, though and the humor works between even thinly constructed characters. Undead or Alive brings nothing to the interesting premise of spoofing Westerns or the zombie genre, but will provide a diverting chuckle or two. Despite Chris Kattan.

Saturday, October 4, 2008

PIN (1988)

On the fourth day of Halloween, my boo love gave to me ... four creepy advice-dispensing anatomy dummies.


THE CARD:
Incestuous apprehension, TV’s Dr. McKay, sterile suburban uneasiness, a dirty magazine ogling little girl, an on-edge psychosexual atmosphere, the immortal Terry O’Quinn, and the most horrifying mannequin since, well Mannequin.

More details here.

THE ANGLE:
Leon and Ursula are two precocious kids whose Dad is a pediatrician who employs a very special assistant: Pin, a life-sized medical dummy he uses to teach kids about keeping healthy through the use of ventriloquism. The family lives in privileged seclusion, Mom and Dad keep a watchful eye on the kids, and their cold, distant parenting skills border on the obsessive-psychotic. Dad uses Pin to teach morality lessons, to convey advice about the ways of the world, and sometimes to punish naughty children. The kids’ parents do little to provide affection, direction, or even a goddamn hug once in a while. Leon soon retreats into a world of fantasy to escape his cruel parents, a world where Pin is his best and only friend and father figure. Meanwhile, Ursula catches on to Dad’s deceit early and learns to distance herself by discovering a curiosity about the world outside of her twisted family. When Mom and Dad die in a mysterious car accident, Leon and Ursula are left to fend for themselves within the walls of their enormous mansion. Years pass and Ursula has grown into a normal teenager while Leon remained distant, detached, and disturbed. The two get along and enjoy a loving relationship. That is until Ursula overhears Leon having a conversation with Pin in the attic, and dark secrets from the past resurface. Things get worse when Ursula begins to date and brings the man into the house, much to Leon and Pin’s chagrin. The strangeness intensifies when weird sounds in the night, bizarre shadows wandering the halls, and mysterious deaths force Ursula to question the sanity of her brother and the true nature of Pin.


THE FINISHER:
The Canadians have been practitioners of solid horror output over the past three decades. Canuck offerings such as Deathdream, The Changeling, Videodrome, Ginger Snaps, and even 2006’s Fido spring to mind. Pin, an exceptional, well-made thriller, is no exception. The film is a disquieting, effective, and subtle exploration of psychological breakdown, a retreat from reality, and the irrevocable damage of shitty parenting. David Hewlett plays the part of Leon with subtly and unblinking psychosis while borrowing some disquieting stilted Norman Bates for good measure. Equally outstanding is Cynthia Preston as Ursula who bears the heart of the film, while Pin's design is destined to give you nightmares after your next check-up. For a movie with no gore or nudity, Pin succeeds at scary with unnerving suspense, unexpected twists, and revealing only bits of the mystery at a time.

Friday, October 3, 2008

LONG WEEKEND (1978)

On the third day of Halloween, my boo love gave to me ... three pissed-off wallabies!

THE CARD:

Peter and Marcia, an Australian couple with a barbie-full of simmering marital issues; a kangaroo that can’t read roadsigns; none-too-pleased beached sea mammal of some sort; and an equally irked Mother Nature who’s itching for some payback.

More details here.

THE ANGLE:

Peter and Marcia are city sophisticates stuck in a near-loveless marriage troubled by deceit, infidelity, and boredom. The cure for marital gloom? Why a weekend in the unforgiving outback of course! Just make sure to be kind and respect nature, which turns out to be advice unheeded by the couple venturing into the wilderness to rediscover that certain spark. Along the way, they litter, kill animals, and generally act like jerks towards the wilderness and each other. Nature responds in kind first by leading them down a dark sparsely traveled road, then surrounding them with the peculiar sounds from unknown threats, and then turning the tables on their bad-mannered ways. Although they find themselves lost, they set up camp. Peter goes for a swim and some hunting while Marcia suns herself and whines about the tedium. He mistakes a seacow for a shark and shoots it to death. Marcia kills animals with emotionless, remorseless wonder. From there on, the vacation takes a turn for the worst as the wilderness turns its vengeful eye towards the couple. The threat is unseen but ever present and Peter and Marcia's revved paranoid attempts to escape are useless. There is something far more sinister and complex at work than animals going on the warpath for vengeance against careless townies. Each eerie movement in the grass or shriek from the sky escalates the tension between them until the issue that brought them to the brink of divorce is brought to light and their fate is sealed.


THE FINISHER:

Long Weekend is moody thriller that explores interpersonal relationships and middle class morality against an ecological agenda, and it works. It's a really good example of foreign horror, much like Canadian output during the same period. The two lead performances are consistent and masterful, and they never shy way from presenting the utter unpleasantness and awkwardness of trying to rebuild a marriage. The intensity and suspense is deftly crafted through sound design: the screeching of unseen birds, the distant howls of unknown creatures, and the constant threat of something creeping in the woods. Avoiding the vengeful gory spirit of other animal vengeance tales such as Day of the Animals, Devil Dog: Hound of Hell, and Grizzly, the movie instead relies on tension, the apprehensive interaction between the obnoxious characters, and a fine pace to set-up the unraveling of man's inhumanity to nature, and himself. From a country where the ferocity of the wilderness as is close as your own backyard, the film exemplifies the fragile balance between the wilderness and civilization, a consistent theme in 70s horror where the countryside is represented as unregulated fettered Hell. This movie and its unexpected ending will haunt your next camping trip.

Nature’s next victim? I can only hope it’s this guy.

Thursday, October 2, 2008

NIGHT OF THE DEAD (2004)

On the second day of Halloween, my boo love gave to me ... two farting zombies!


THE CARD:

No one, absolutely no one worth mentioning. Well, except for the farting zombies.

More details here.

THE ANGLE:

Cheapo zombie piece shot in a mall dental clinic about a mad doctor conducting experiments to resurrect the dead for profit. There's an imprisoned pregnant babe, a Tor Johnson thug, pooping frog, and stumbling mumbling zombies afoot in what I can only guess was the bare minimum to qualify as plot.

THE FINISHER:


The good news is that with today’s readily available technology, high quality video equipment, and user friend editing software, anyone can make a movie.

The bad news is that with today’s readily available technology, high quality video equipment, and user friend editing software, anyone can make a movie.

Case in point: Night of the Dead.

I mean, Jesus.

JESUS!!!